


The Days After

by EternalGalaxies



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, Pete's Universe, Post Journey's End, WARNING: Major Depression, WARNING: Suicidal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2016-11-30
Packaged: 2018-09-03 03:50:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8695300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EternalGalaxies/pseuds/EternalGalaxies
Summary: "She was his sole purpose, the only thought in his mind when he regenerated into this body. No, he reminded himself. Not this body. Not him. He wasn't the Doctor. Or at least that's what Rose thought. This was much, much worse then when the time lord version of himself regenerated. At least she thought he was still the Doctor, back then."-A post-Journey's End fanfic, which is a darker take on Rose's reactions to the metacrisis. WARNING: Major Depression and Suicidal Intentions





	

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a fanfic I read on Tumblr. Note: If you are depressed or considering suicide, contact the suicide hotline immediatly.  
> Notice: This has not been beta read! Any mistakes are mine!

**0 days, 0 hours, four minutes, and twenty-seven seconds since Rose had stopped speaking with him.**

The TARDIS had disappeared, forever. They held hands as it left, Donna's encouraging smile giving him confidence. And why wouldn't it?

Rose loved the Doctor. But, as she'd said so many times to her mum recently, he was not the Doctor. The cold wind was blowing into his face, with only the blue suit he had taken from the TARDIS wardrobe to protect him. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and gazed across the blue water lapping at his feet. He was angry, angry at the time lord for dumping him here with a girl who he completely and utterly loved, and she couldn't even look at him without seeing the time lord, the one she really wanted to be with.

It was his fault for her being stuck here again, if he hadn't been created, well, she would be traveling with the time lord. The only thing that kept him from giving up on his own existence was that he had saved the TARDIS. And Donna. Who was also where Rose wanted to be, at the Doctor's side, traveling. Or at least that's what Rose thought.

Donna could never survive like that. A time lord brain in a human body? It would never work. The time lord would have to erase Donna's memories.

Sighing, the human Doctor turned away from the water and looked at Rose, standing embraced in a hug by her mother, while Jackie glared daggers at him and Pete stood off to the side, speaking into a mobile.

**0 days, 0 hours, thirty-three minutes and twelve seconds since Rose could look at him and not burst into tears.**

He didn't blame her. He really didn't. She wanted the time lord, and he couldn't live in his shadow.

So he retreated to a private bedroom given to him by Pete, as Jackie wouldn't speak to him either. And he cursed the universe.

He cursed the Cybermen and Daleks for causing Rose to start to fall into the void.

He cursed the time lord version of himself for not finding a way to keep her on the right side of the void.

He cursed himself, for not leaving the minute he saw he wasn't wanted.

He cursed Rose, for not speaking with him. No. No, he could never curse Rose. She was his sole purpose, the only thought in his mind when he regenerated into this body.

No, he reminded himself. Not this body. Not him. He wasn't the Doctor. Or at least that's what Rose thought. This was much, much worse then when the time lord version of himself regenerated. At least she thought he was still the Doctor, back then. He lay down on the duvet, and closed his eyes. Image of the Doctor and Rose, running. Nope. He didn't want to think, didn't want to feel.

So he snuck down the kitchen and took three of the strongest sleep pills he could find. Just enough to knock him into a dreamless sleep.

\-------------

When he woke up, a tray of tea and biscuits was sitting on his bedside table. The tea was cold, suggesting it had been there for several hours. He didn't bother changing the rumpled blue suit he was wearing, and when he opened the bedroom door, a small envelope was sitting on the floor. Inside was a ID, driver's license, and a credit card. A small note, in Pete's handwriting, informed the Doctor that it contained enough money to buy a house, car, and plenty of clothes. Pocketing the things, he rushed down the stairs, almost colliding into Rose, who mumbled a quick,

"Sorry." And rushed off. He walked to the nearest store, because he didn't have a phone and didn't want to take a Tyler car, seeing as he would never be returning it.

**0 days, four hours, fifty-seven minutes, and thirty-nine seconds since the Doctor decided he was moving out.**

He piled the endless bags of stuff into his new car, and set off for the hotel he had pre-booked for the night. Tomorrow he would buy a flat.

Every blonde woman he saw was Rose.

Everything reminded him of his other self. He wandered into the hotel, got his room key, and passed out on the bed.

_ONE AND A HALF WEEKS LATER_

**Seven days, twelve hours, three minutes, and four seconds since Rose had last contacted him.**

He no longer had any reasons to be able to see her. She didn't want him checking in with her, he no longer needed to borrow things from her kitchen, so he no longer had anything to do. He spent most of those seven days taking those long walks contemplating his existence.

He no longer had a reason to live. Why? All he was created for was to save Donna and the TARDIS, and love Rose. He had accomplished all three of those goals, except Rose didn't love him back. Rose. Didn't. Love. Him. Back.

**0 days, one hour, five minutes, and fifty-nine seconds since he gave up.**

He didn't want to get up. He was hungry. So, so hungry. But he didn't want to eat.

He didn't want to live. What was the point, if he couldn't travel? If he couldn't be with Rose? And if Rose didn't love him?

What was the point?

He closed his eyes, falling into a long deep slumber. Just before he did, though, he thought he saw Rose running toward him, her face sad and worried.

"Doctor!"

**0 days, 0 hours, 0 minutes, 1 second since the Doctor died**


End file.
